Tired and Comfy,

I lie on my couch. eyes still spinning from hours ago. mind switching in and out of beautiful flashbacks. a moment. a minute. an hour that went by in a flash. life can be enjoyed in huge ways... pleasure and happiness are vastly available. To know yourself enough to bend and turn in ways you never have is a perfect place to be.
A caught eye. a kiss. a beat and a vibe. a conversation, conversations filled with lovely connectivity. there's nothing like it.

Right now

thousands of people are gathering/gathered at the National Mall in DC for the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive. I felt very compelled to attend said Rally, as I am a huge fan of both Stewart and Colbert, but due to both my lack of confidence and poor planning, I'm currently sitting on my couch in sweat pants.
I'm attending a very big event tonight (I spent several hours making a costume for it yesterday) and earlier in the season decided that festivity would be sufficient for my '10 Halloween weekend. However, upon learning that not only my brother, sister in law, and niece were attending, but also my big sister's best friends, I felt a stab of jealousy. Then learned there was an actual bus going from the Rally to the event! "I must go!" said I.
Around 9 PM my planning commenced. With a 27 dollar Greyhound ticket purchased all I needed to do was hash out the details.
Fuck details.
Several hours of pour internet connection and confusing options and limitations to my travel plans, I resorted to calling a friend, Both, for dear help. After embarrassing myself with my panicked attitude and indecisive self, I finally rested on the fact that it just wasn't practical. For the extreme lack of money I currently have, even my wasted 27 dollars isn't enough leverage to get me there.
So too all Rally attenders, I hope you enjoy this fabulous day of sanity and reason. May the merry commodore of American spirit be with you all. For me, I'm just going to enjoy my "event" to the fullest extent with a little tiny bit of cash left in my pocket.

The leaves

are letting go today. Driving this morning, each gust of wind brought a beautiful rainfall of orange and yellow leaves. I love how they dance through the sky. Kissing the edges of each direction they take. Fluttering past me. I reach my hand out, hoping to touch them as they glide through their journey to the ground, to sit, to rot, to be forever. Their lives are so futile. Water and sun birthed them through the branches. They grew green and strong and held on tight. The cool breezes and night freezes made them weak. Tainting their pigment, loosening their grip to their anchor branch. The wind gusts them away, resting them on the floor of the earth. They toss around and dry out, then get caught up in the soil some how. They decay. They desinegrate. Soon enough they are indesiferable from the rest of the ground.
Humans live the same way. Its as simple as that. Birth, growth, strength, life, then exposure to the elements. Weakness, then death. We fall from life and become part of the earth. Our limbs entangled with the roots of trees and old leaves. Eventually, our bodies are no different than the dirt on our shoes.
Its as simple as that.

Stink bugs and squirrels

need to go away. for good.
nuff said.

You're so perfect

with your golden shinning, wispy hair. your graceful hands and your pleasant, entrancing voice. you're laugh is contagious and your smile adorable. so genuine. its like you smile through your heart, not your mouth.
you give off light and energy constantly. even when your sad or feel anxious or afraid. you feel caged, like a bird. but you still sore. every day you sour. you're soul and spirit illuminate the people and earthly things around you. You fly through them.
its clear how truly a part of this earth you are. You exist within each other. One can't survive with out the other. If you died and never rejoined the soil, the soil would rot away. with out it in you, you would rot away. breathing together, as always.
your naturally smooth figure and your comfortable posture. your legs, so womanly. and your cheeks, so fresh.
the lacy, casual and beautiful clothing your wear. how it drapes off of you but still shows us the beauty of your body. Not as an object to be admired but more so that the life of your body can be seen. your essence shines through your body.
you see life in the day. you try your best to enjoy each hour, desperately trying not to look too far ahead. That's scary and things will happen as they may. you let them may.
i admire you, i see you and respect you for who you are. I'm not in love with you, just am very happy to be your friend.
I think maybe we're thinking of each other now. that or we're both pondering on the same things at the moment. I'm wrestling with what goals to walk away from and what aspirations to fallow. Is what i'm doing truly the best way to fill this part of my life?

i wonder if i'll let this person know its about them.

Does it

make me a bad person if catching shrimp in my mouth at a hibachi restaurant makes me feel like a cooler person than the people who missed? hmm.

There was this one day

In Yosemite that I love thinking about. Becky was tired and resting, Liz was getting work done and I decided to borrow her bike and explore the Valley alone. I was wearing my hiking boots, jeans, a black tank top, my grey cardigan, and a red hoodie.
There was a cold front that week for a couple of days.
I took my iPod and decided to listen to a band I didn't know well yet. "Why?"
Liz warned me once that week that there are sandy parts of the trails that are hard to get your bike over. I remember speeding up as fast as I could on that cruiser with low air pressure in its tires. Speeding ahead and lifting my feet from the petals, letting the bike slide through the fine granite sand.
I was listening to "Good Friday" when I stopped to take in this one view. Later that week Liz and I went walking through the field I had rested the bike on the edge of that day. We talked and cried and wished I wasn't leaving.
I kept riding, losing my breath, wishing I could ride for hours but knowing I'd need to turn around soon enough.
As I rode up to this one tree I love so terribly much, I was listening to "Song of the Sad Assassin." I think of that moment every time I hear that song.
The tree's home is on the edge of the river, its roots are huge and strong and come through the surface of the earth. I set down the bike and walked along the roots for a while. I looked at the water and took off my clothes. Just left my underwear and tank top. I didn't wear a bra the whole time I was there. I told myself I wouldn't anymore after I got back but a couple weeks after my return I caved into the societal pressure.
The water was only a couple feet deep. It was freezing. It was perfectly clear. I can't describe how that water looks, feels, tastes, smells, or makes you feel. Its magnificent.
I swam back and forth for a while. My body got used to the dreadful temperature. Its surprising how quickly your body adapts to extreme environments. Our bodies are amazing.
I floated on my back and stared at the sky. I wished I could see the perfect view of Higher Cathedral and the sky at once laying on my back. What to stare at? Such a hard decision.
I climbed out and used my cardigan to dry off. I looked around and slipped out of my underwear and into my jeans. My feet were wet and had dirt and sand on them so my legs felt gritty inside my pants. Shoes and socks. Shaking at this point. Teeth chattering inside my huge, inexcusably ecstatic smile. I felt so alive, alone and alive.
I rode back and felt like I was reentering something I'd recently left behind.

Alone and alive.

Anneke

is this really pretty girl I know from back home in Georgia. I think I knew who she was, or at least of her for many years but it wasn't until just a few months before I moved up North did we become friends.
I like her because she's truly sweet. She is a kind, fun loving person who is easy to talk to. Her humor is unique and everything she does is somehow adorable. She has a cute hair cut all the time and dresses like a classy lady. Cuz she is one.
Right before I moved to Philly I met a couple of people I really wish I'd gotten to spend more time with.
You know, this past winter she gave me a Christmas CD that her brother's friends made. I thought/think it's hilarious. Crappy singing and sound makers. So great. Surprisingly my sister didn't find it funny. Don't get it.
Anneke is definitely one of kind. She will, without a doubt, have some really fun adventures in life. She'll also be a great wife and mommy one day. You can just tell.
I see good things for her. For sure.

This

is why I still don't hate Obama.

Because he's a real person, who's probably trying, even if he's not doing that great of a job. At least he's a person.

I woke up

calm and comfortable today. Not that most days I'm hyper and in pain, but today just felt better. Clouds covered the sky, but in a good way. They let bits of sun shine through, changing every hour or so, giving me a new view to admire. I wore long sleeves. Scarf. Hoodie. Boots. In a good way.
I did not make a plan, rather just went with where I was going at the time. Just came and went, came and went.
It felt nice today, the people seemed better. The air seemed comfortable with itself. Lingering until it wanted to move. Coming and going.
Simplicity brings me rounded and complex contentment.