Thursday, April 28, 2011

Can you come

and see my shiny new teeth?
I'll hang them up high on the shelves and keep them from the dark.
You'll feel my shoulders in the folds of your fingers.
Just sit tight and we'll listen through the windows for my friends, and their friends.
Come on over, we'll have some tea.
You and me.
Lie on the floor and hold your hands behind your back;
I'd tie them but there's no rope.
The ceiling is moving and there's patterns in the shadows,
So close your eyes if you have to.
I'll show you my shiny new teeth.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Someone in my family

believes in zombies.
No, he doesn't think they are currently in existence but he, a full grown man with 1 and 1/2 children, thinks zombies will one day come to earth and cause human destruction.. or something.
He quotes the part of the Bible that says the dead will rise again. Something about fire is in there too, so he has been collecting coin currency so that he may still have money when the cash is all burnt up. NO joke.
He also has weapons purposefully placed around his house to defend his family against said zombies. Goodness.
It's so ridiculous because this person has a verrryyy dear place in my heart. I've known him since I was in elementary school, he married into the family. I respect and love this man, so it's hard to wrap my mind around his beliefs.
I just found this out about him this week, even though this is a long-standing belief of his.

I bring this up today because today is Zombie Jesus day.

I have a "Jewish" boyfriend and nanny for a Jewish family. This week, both parties asked me what Easter actually celebrates. I had to explain that Christians believe that Jesus was crucified, put in a cave with a boulder to close his tomb, then three days later, was discovered to have disappeared. And that somehow, this means he came to life again and went back to heaven until one day, when he will come back and the world will end.
I feel VERY silly telling both of these stories because neither make any sense whatsoever. If Jesus was a real person who had disiples, then hmmmmm, don't you think THEY were the ones who broke into the tomb of their savior to take his body to a more holy place... or some shit? Anyone could have moved his cadaver.
How is it that Jesus came back to life if the only evidence is the movement of a heavy rock (that was moved two other times according to the Easter Christian story)?
These things don't add up. These stories were told A LONG time ago. Why can't millions of Christians on this earth see the idiocracy of it??

I have many Christian friends and family, so I am sorry if what I say is offensive to you. It's how I feel though, and believe me, I've been offended by your religion more times than I can count and no one has apologized for that.

I don't hate religion... I think it helps a lot of people on this earth and I'm thankful that people have something positive to follow. I just wish people could cut through the obvious crap and see the true teachings of the bible which all of us should learn: acceptance, forgiveness, oneness with your being, accountability for your actions, kindness to your neighbors, among other things like not killing other people and not judging each other.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I'm making a decision

to make more posts. More posts, more often.
I need to get into a habit with this because come a few weeks, I will be needing to update this blog often. Going on a massive road trip to many amazingly gorgeous places calls for a blog. I plan on updating it instead of updating friends and family individually.
This is me telling you that I wont be texting you all the time. I wont be calling you all the time either. Well... I'm sure a few of you will receive phone calls from me as I drive across the country, but that's a select few for sure.
I want to stay away from facebook while on my trip. If I get caught up in other people's lives and what they are up to, I may lose focus on my goals. It could waste my time, or worse, make me terribly homesick. Maybe looking at facebook will make me feel closer to home? That could be a good thing, or a bad. I don't think I'll know these things for sure until I'm out there.
But I do know this: No awesome adventurer was documented with wall posts. Fuck that. Facebook is evil, guys. Let's just admit it. I mean, have you seen how much history of chat facebook has been saving now that they have that new feature? It goes FAR back. Too far.
They own all the photos you upload, I hope you realize. On my trip I plan on taking film photos mostly. I don't want to get too distracted with photography while out there. Sometimes when I'm in a beautiful place with a camera, I lose the organic reaction I could achieve if my mind wasn't in "creation" mode. I don't want to think only about composition while staring at the grand canyon.
But... I will be alone out there often. Maybe having photography to do will keep me more occupied.
On that note though, keeping a sketch book in my pack may prove to be more rewarding. I would be able to sit and study my subject for hours on end. Those drawings would lock the images of the parks in my mind forever. Film and sketch book. That's what I'll do.

Like most other things in life, I can't focus on the outcome of this blog, more so, I should focus on saying what I want. Not focusing on if it's funny enough or informative enough. Long enough or short enough. Readable or boring. It is what it is. You'll read it or you wont.

One thing I can't decide on is how much I should filter myself on here. I'm aware that my father reads this blog at times, and I know he'll read it readily once I'm on my trip. So hey, let's be honest, there are some things I may do and some things I may think that aren't really for my father to know about. But... I'm an adult now. I feel like an adult and I treat myself as one. I expect others to treat me that way. I believe that honesty is a corner stone to being an adult. If you can't hold yourself accountable for your actions, then you're doing something wrong.
In life, I am extremely honest with people. I am honest when no one is asking me to be. I tell my co workers and bosses, friends, and family almost anything that crosses my mind. I'll skillfully explain my weekend's events to people who probably don't need to know I even have weekend events. I just feel obligated to be open about the person I am. I feel most comfortable with myself if I'm aware that the people in my life are aware of who I truly am.

I guess I'll filter as I must... But dad, if you read some things you wish you didn't read, I'm sorry. That's life. I'll make mistakes and do dumb things. I'll make decisions you don't think are wise and I'll say things you don't agree with. But that's me and that's that, I guess.

There's less than two months before I plan on leaving for this trip so I'm making some other decisions.
1) I'm not smoking weed anymore. Not unless it's a large group at the end of a night. That's the only time that it doesn't negatively effect your day and life. Being high during the day makes you laaazy and makes you crave food until you fall asleep. It lowers your blood sugar, making it a bad idea to try to be active. It slows down your thoughts, which in turn turns off your creativity and problem solving. It makes writing, singing, dancing, painting, playing, hiking, running, ect seem too challenging. I believe weed is a great medicine for anxiety, loss of appetite, and nausea. It only fuels depression for it increases your lack of motivation. It fuels negative thinking for you can't get up and do something rewarding and refreshing. I keep smoking with friends when I go to hang out, even though I've decided I don't like smoking very much... but no more. It's not that bad being the only sober one among high friends. Its a little boring and quiet b/c people get quiet for weed turns everyone into an introvert. But hey, I can use those quiet times to ponder what else I can fit into my day, what I should be getting done tomorrow, and what my goals are for the week.

2) Very soon I need to start exorcising daily. I need to be in very good shape for this trip. Hiking, driving and riding my bike everyday will be extremely difficult if I'm not already constantly active.

3) No more TV, man. Only when I eat meals alone. I've been keeping to that pretty well lately. TV is a waste of the mind. It makes you lazy and tired and boring. Boo.

4) I'm selling my art! I need more money for my trip and I need it to come out of no where. By Sunday I will have a website up with a gallery of my art for sale. People can email me about which they'd like to purchase. Prices will be listed but they will be slightly flexible. Donations are welcome as well. lol

Okay, there's more to be said, but I'm tired. It's time for bed.

Thanks for reading, if you did. Here's an amazing picture I'll share in the spirit of being really open! And in the spirit of showing off how hot my boyfriend is.