Does it

make me a bad person if catching shrimp in my mouth at a hibachi restaurant makes me feel like a cooler person than the people who missed? hmm.

There was this one day

In Yosemite that I love thinking about. Becky was tired and resting, Liz was getting work done and I decided to borrow her bike and explore the Valley alone. I was wearing my hiking boots, jeans, a black tank top, my grey cardigan, and a red hoodie.
There was a cold front that week for a couple of days.
I took my iPod and decided to listen to a band I didn't know well yet. "Why?"
Liz warned me once that week that there are sandy parts of the trails that are hard to get your bike over. I remember speeding up as fast as I could on that cruiser with low air pressure in its tires. Speeding ahead and lifting my feet from the petals, letting the bike slide through the fine granite sand.
I was listening to "Good Friday" when I stopped to take in this one view. Later that week Liz and I went walking through the field I had rested the bike on the edge of that day. We talked and cried and wished I wasn't leaving.
I kept riding, losing my breath, wishing I could ride for hours but knowing I'd need to turn around soon enough.
As I rode up to this one tree I love so terribly much, I was listening to "Song of the Sad Assassin." I think of that moment every time I hear that song.
The tree's home is on the edge of the river, its roots are huge and strong and come through the surface of the earth. I set down the bike and walked along the roots for a while. I looked at the water and took off my clothes. Just left my underwear and tank top. I didn't wear a bra the whole time I was there. I told myself I wouldn't anymore after I got back but a couple weeks after my return I caved into the societal pressure.
The water was only a couple feet deep. It was freezing. It was perfectly clear. I can't describe how that water looks, feels, tastes, smells, or makes you feel. Its magnificent.
I swam back and forth for a while. My body got used to the dreadful temperature. Its surprising how quickly your body adapts to extreme environments. Our bodies are amazing.
I floated on my back and stared at the sky. I wished I could see the perfect view of Higher Cathedral and the sky at once laying on my back. What to stare at? Such a hard decision.
I climbed out and used my cardigan to dry off. I looked around and slipped out of my underwear and into my jeans. My feet were wet and had dirt and sand on them so my legs felt gritty inside my pants. Shoes and socks. Shaking at this point. Teeth chattering inside my huge, inexcusably ecstatic smile. I felt so alive, alone and alive.
I rode back and felt like I was reentering something I'd recently left behind.

Alone and alive.

Anneke

is this really pretty girl I know from back home in Georgia. I think I knew who she was, or at least of her for many years but it wasn't until just a few months before I moved up North did we become friends.
I like her because she's truly sweet. She is a kind, fun loving person who is easy to talk to. Her humor is unique and everything she does is somehow adorable. She has a cute hair cut all the time and dresses like a classy lady. Cuz she is one.
Right before I moved to Philly I met a couple of people I really wish I'd gotten to spend more time with.
You know, this past winter she gave me a Christmas CD that her brother's friends made. I thought/think it's hilarious. Crappy singing and sound makers. So great. Surprisingly my sister didn't find it funny. Don't get it.
Anneke is definitely one of kind. She will, without a doubt, have some really fun adventures in life. She'll also be a great wife and mommy one day. You can just tell.
I see good things for her. For sure.

This

is why I still don't hate Obama.

Because he's a real person, who's probably trying, even if he's not doing that great of a job. At least he's a person.

I woke up

calm and comfortable today. Not that most days I'm hyper and in pain, but today just felt better. Clouds covered the sky, but in a good way. They let bits of sun shine through, changing every hour or so, giving me a new view to admire. I wore long sleeves. Scarf. Hoodie. Boots. In a good way.
I did not make a plan, rather just went with where I was going at the time. Just came and went, came and went.
It felt nice today, the people seemed better. The air seemed comfortable with itself. Lingering until it wanted to move. Coming and going.
Simplicity brings me rounded and complex contentment.

I used to think

that exorcise was only a punishment. Something you had to put yourself through because of the lazy, gluttonous choices you previously made. When I would push myself while running or biking, I'd feel negative and unhappy about it. I'd feel like it was a chore I couldn't wait to be through with.
Yosemite changed that. Well, Yosemite changed everything. I realized that pushing yourself only means that next time, you get to go further. Next time, you can have just that much more fun.
Life is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be enjoyed and embraced. Not survived and endured.
Yes, it does take some survival skills, but it doesn't have to be riddled with stress, anxiety and obligations. Life is what you freaking make it, man. There's no doubt about it.

So go knock on your friend's door tomorrow and say, "wanna come out to play?"

I have

my mother's hands. I only notice sometimes, but its a fact. I wonder if she ever had tendonitis in her left thumb, or if she ever thought her fingers were a little too long. I remember hers being cold. All the time. I don't think mine are. I hope not.