Okay world,

I am leaving in t-minus 6 days.

Yep, Sunday morning, June 19th, I will be driving to Cuyahoga Valley National park in Cleveland, Ohio.
It's a 7-hour drive, which I know won’t bother me a bit. I plan on staying just one night and moving on to the next place-Chain O'Lakes State Park in Spring Grove, Illinois.
I have more steps than two planned out, but I'll keep it simple now and update as I go since the destinations may change
(depending on recommendations I hear, hours I feel like driving the next day, or some other factor).

It's been a long time coming... and I know that it could have been a shorter amount of time, had I simply set the date for myself and made sure to have had everything ready to go in time for it. That's life though; we disappoint ourselves at times. But when we surprise ourselves, we are able to somehow forget all the times we failed in our minds before. I know that once my car is packed with all of the essentials, I wont feel a bit of self-frustration or regret. The path in front of me will be clear; I'll just need to walk on it.

My path is clear now too, though, which comforts and surprises me. Last summer, I felt compelled to separate myself from the world I've known and go to one that was simple and without obligation, ties or responsibility. Meeting people in the Valley who had been living like that for years was a completely new experience that enchanted my mind. I still believe what I was convinced of then- that nothing is stopping you from doing anything. Nothing. No circumstance, law, rule, or responsibility can hold you back, because those things are only thoughts. Thoughts we believe in and live by. That doesn't make them wrong, but not being wrong doesn't make something a truth. Truth is that you create your own existence. You can chose to love or loath whatever comes at you... You can chose to react- or not, and how to react to anything.

I also learned that I, like all people, are capable of almost anything. If you can do it, so can I. What makes one person more special or talented or fortunate than another? Effort. Continuous, conscious, and active effort towards goals that are geared towards those things. If you try hard enough for long enough, you will, no, you HAVE to succeed (unless one has a physical limitation- but a lot of those can be overcome as well)!


So I wanted to go for it. I lied there in the Valley after a few days of quiet, calm contemplation over the thoughts that had been flying into my mind; I decided I'd go on a trip. I’d go for a while, who knows how long it would take! It could be years, months or just weeks long. I wouldn't care if I had enough money, I wasn't sure when I'd leave or how I would go where. I’d just make it happen. I just knew I'd go, and go mostly alone. Maybe have people meet me out, or meet up with people I knew living near where I was staying. And not just staying, camping- I'd camp, and I'd feel the earth beneath me each night for as long as I could. I'd live outside, like I always wanted to do as a child.



This last year has been such a gift. When I was in Yosemite, dreaming dreams I'd turn into reality, I felt that my life's direction was too vague to follow, and that my options had no influence. I hoped I would find a pull in a park, a city or state. I needed to believe that where I would live, go to school at, and what degree I'd work towards was true for me. Was right and true.

I came home, ready to leave it without more than a couple of glances. Finally, I lived in Philadelphia without trying to live in Philadelphia. Because I knew I was leaving and that my future in the city was uncertain, I lived without seeking. Before, coming to live in Pennsylvania was attached to very defined goals in my mind. I wanted a fresh start with friends, experiences, and fun that was like A, B, and C. I constantly looked for clues in life and read into and reexamined them so that I may have had better luck at living the life they were alluding to. But after coming home, I didn't care how which people were perceiving, or what I should be doing with myself when. I just was. I was being.

And guess what? Life came at me in the most natural way... Influence materialized and my goals focalized. My fresh start was not just in social life, but in all walks and levels of my life. The friends I've made, the experiences I've had, and the fun I've enjoyed has been unmatched in self-fulfillment than any other time in my life. I don't know who to thank or what, but I am thankful. I couldn't have seen my life playing out how it has this past year, because if I had, it probably wouldn't have happened. Thank you life, for surprising me.


I can't wait to drive and drive and drive. I can't wait to camp, sweat, freeze, be dirty, feel the burn, and breathe. The rocks, dirt, plants, animals, trees, mountains, canyons, and skies will be like nothing I've seen before... and I simply can't wait. Gladly too, I can't wait to come home. I have a studio apartment lined up to stay in this fall. I'll be renting it alone in Philly, only a few blocks away from Temple, where I'll attend their art school, Tyler. I'm transferring there and am so proud of myself for finally making it. Temple is the only college I've ever actually wanted to go to. For how many I've looked into, that means it really stands out as right for me, for whatever reason.

Having family here was reason number one for moving up in the first place, so of course, coming home to them will be wonderful. My big sister/best friend ever will have moved to South Carolina by then, so I'll be missing her as I do now- since she's away in Oklahoma for work this summer. Our bond is hardly even bent when it's stretched over states, though. So I know that will be okay.

The man I am so glad and fortunate to call my boyfriend will luckily still be living in Philadelphia come this fall. Though he graduated from Drexel with his master's degree just this weekend, he wont be moving away for a job, since he's creating one from where he is. I never saw myself with an entrepreneur, but now that I'm with one, I don't know how I could have pictured myself without a man of creative, growing ambition and self-reliance. I'm thrilled to see how our relationship will grow and change in the future.

Some of the friends I've made in my life stick with me for a long, long time. And some for forever... And I'm so lucky to have more than one or two people who I know are my life long friends... in fact I have many, and that's incredible. The men and women I am friends with here, and in a few other states, are hands down the best people ever. Living in Philadelphia has been full of truly kindred fun that I'm super excited to come back to.


So much for sweet and simple; but hey, there was some clearing up and explaining I thought my readers deserved to hear.
To all of those who love me, I love you too. SO, SO much.

Will be updating again soon!

Aladdin is

one of the best movies of our time. I mean.. the animation alone is so completely amazing. But the lessons it teaches are so great.
1) A lot of things and people may seem bad, crappy, cheep or nothing special- but when taking a deeper second look, you can find "diamonds in the rough"- which is what Aladdin is referred to as. He's considered a street rat, but he only steals to eat. One bad thing a person does doesn't make them a bad person.
2) Freedom is the only way to be completely happy. Aladdin, Jasmine and the Jeanie all crave to be the leader of their lives and all three suffer terribly when they are controlled.
3) Be yourself!! Jeanie begs Aladdin to just be himself when he becomes a prince and is about to meet the Princess for the second time. Aladdin ignores his advice and pays for it at least twice. Jasmine rips him a new one after their carpet ride... then if he hadn't been so focused on keeping up his story, he would have freed Jeanie, making Jafar's take over impossible.
4) Marry for love. Uh duh.
5) It doesn't matter what god you pray to. Cultures are all different but not many religions are. They say Allah at least three times in the movie. I bet sooo much money that Disney wont be taking Aladdin out of the vault ANY time soon. American mommies don't want anything but Jesus' name uttered in praise to be heard by their fat little dumplings' ears.

That's my ¢2.

So Osama

is dead. What does that mean to me, you ask? Well… Not too much.
Just about the only way this news affects me personally is a newly evoked curiosity.
Now that he’s gone, I’m not too sure if he ever wasn't.
Was he ever the leader of al-Qaeda?
Was he behind the 911 “attacks” (no, that was just Bush).
Was he ever hiding in caves, sending out evil video messages to the world?
I kind of doubt it.

He might have been a tool that the government used to keep us afraid and in support of the wars. Did Obama decide to pull the trigger on this “terrorist” so that he may start to end the war? Probably. Because if Obama is not in the process of ending this war come the 2012 election, his chances of being reelected are SLIM TO NONE. He has to have a legend other than “obama-care”.

I've given up on politics and voting. I still listen to the news everyday because for some reason or anther I feel the need to be informed, even if it's misinformation. No matter who we elect, no matter how hard I campaign for a person, idea or cause, ultimately it's out of my hands. If I had billions of dollars or was the leader of an oil-rich country, sure I'd have some say so. But that's not me. I'm just another one of the citizens in this country lead by the man we like to call, "The leader of the free world".

Can you come

and see my shiny new teeth?
I'll hang them up high on the shelves and keep them from the dark.
You'll feel my shoulders in the folds of your fingers.
Just sit tight and we'll listen through the windows for my friends, and their friends.
Come on over, we'll have some tea.
You and me.
Lie on the floor and hold your hands behind your back;
I'd tie them but there's no rope.
The ceiling is moving and there's patterns in the shadows,
So close your eyes if you have to.
I'll show you my shiny new teeth.

I need

a place to live in the fall!

Someone in my family

believes in zombies.
No, he doesn't think they are currently in existence but he, a full grown man with 1 and 1/2 children, thinks zombies will one day come to earth and cause human destruction.. or something.
He quotes the part of the Bible that says the dead will rise again. Something about fire is in there too, so he has been collecting coin currency so that he may still have money when the cash is all burnt up. NO joke.
He also has weapons purposefully placed around his house to defend his family against said zombies. Goodness.
It's so ridiculous because this person has a verrryyy dear place in my heart. I've known him since I was in elementary school, he married into the family. I respect and love this man, so it's hard to wrap my mind around his beliefs.
I just found this out about him this week, even though this is a long-standing belief of his.


I bring this up today because today is Zombie Jesus day.

I have a "Jewish" boyfriend and nanny for a Jewish family. This week, both parties asked me what Easter actually celebrates. I had to explain that Christians believe that Jesus was crucified, put in a cave with a boulder to close his tomb, then three days later, was discovered to have disappeared. And that somehow, this means he came to life again and went back to heaven until one day, when he will come back and the world will end.
I feel VERY silly telling both of these stories because neither make any sense whatsoever. If Jesus was a real person who had disiples, then hmmmmm, don't you think THEY were the ones who broke into the tomb of their savior to take his body to a more holy place... or some shit? Anyone could have moved his cadaver.
How is it that Jesus came back to life if the only evidence is the movement of a heavy rock (that was moved two other times according to the Easter Christian story)?
These things don't add up. These stories were told A LONG time ago. Why can't millions of Christians on this earth see the idiocracy of it??

I have many Christian friends and family, so I am sorry if what I say is offensive to you. It's how I feel though, and believe me, I've been offended by your religion more times than I can count and no one has apologized for that.

I don't hate religion... I think it helps a lot of people on this earth and I'm thankful that people have something positive to follow. I just wish people could cut through the obvious crap and see the true teachings of the bible which all of us should learn: acceptance, forgiveness, oneness with your being, accountability for your actions, kindness to your neighbors, among other things like not killing other people and not judging each other.

I'm making a decision

to make more posts. More posts, more often.
I need to get into a habit with this because come a few weeks, I will be needing to update this blog often. Going on a massive road trip to many amazingly gorgeous places calls for a blog. I plan on updating it instead of updating friends and family individually.
This is me telling you that I wont be texting you all the time. I wont be calling you all the time either. Well... I'm sure a few of you will receive phone calls from me as I drive across the country, but that's a select few for sure.
I want to stay away from facebook while on my trip. If I get caught up in other people's lives and what they are up to, I may lose focus on my goals. It could waste my time, or worse, make me terribly homesick. Maybe looking at facebook will make me feel closer to home? That could be a good thing, or a bad. I don't think I'll know these things for sure until I'm out there.
But I do know this: No awesome adventurer was documented with wall posts. Fuck that. Facebook is evil, guys. Let's just admit it. I mean, have you seen how much history of chat facebook has been saving now that they have that new feature? It goes FAR back. Too far.
They own all the photos you upload, I hope you realize. On my trip I plan on taking film photos mostly. I don't want to get too distracted with photography while out there. Sometimes when I'm in a beautiful place with a camera, I lose the organic reaction I could achieve if my mind wasn't in "creation" mode. I don't want to think only about composition while staring at the grand canyon.
But... I will be alone out there often. Maybe having photography to do will keep me more occupied.
On that note though, keeping a sketch book in my pack may prove to be more rewarding. I would be able to sit and study my subject for hours on end. Those drawings would lock the images of the parks in my mind forever. Film and sketch book. That's what I'll do.

Like most other things in life, I can't focus on the outcome of this blog, more so, I should focus on saying what I want. Not focusing on if it's funny enough or informative enough. Long enough or short enough. Readable or boring. It is what it is. You'll read it or you wont.

One thing I can't decide on is how much I should filter myself on here. I'm aware that my father reads this blog at times, and I know he'll read it readily once I'm on my trip. So hey, let's be honest, there are some things I may do and some things I may think that aren't really for my father to know about. But... I'm an adult now. I feel like an adult and I treat myself as one. I expect others to treat me that way. I believe that honesty is a corner stone to being an adult. If you can't hold yourself accountable for your actions, then you're doing something wrong.
In life, I am extremely honest with people. I am honest when no one is asking me to be. I tell my co workers and bosses, friends, and family almost anything that crosses my mind. I'll skillfully explain my weekend's events to people who probably don't need to know I even have weekend events. I just feel obligated to be open about the person I am. I feel most comfortable with myself if I'm aware that the people in my life are aware of who I truly am.

I guess I'll filter as I must... But dad, if you read some things you wish you didn't read, I'm sorry. That's life. I'll make mistakes and do dumb things. I'll make decisions you don't think are wise and I'll say things you don't agree with. But that's me and that's that, I guess.

There's less than two months before I plan on leaving for this trip so I'm making some other decisions.
1) I'm not smoking weed anymore. Not unless it's a large group at the end of a night. That's the only time that it doesn't negatively effect your day and life. Being high during the day makes you laaazy and makes you crave food until you fall asleep. It lowers your blood sugar, making it a bad idea to try to be active. It slows down your thoughts, which in turn turns off your creativity and problem solving. It makes writing, singing, dancing, painting, playing, hiking, running, ect seem too challenging. I believe weed is a great medicine for anxiety, loss of appetite, and nausea. It only fuels depression for it increases your lack of motivation. It fuels negative thinking for you can't get up and do something rewarding and refreshing. I keep smoking with friends when I go to hang out, even though I've decided I don't like smoking very much... but no more. It's not that bad being the only sober one among high friends. Its a little boring and quiet b/c people get quiet for weed turns everyone into an introvert. But hey, I can use those quiet times to ponder what else I can fit into my day, what I should be getting done tomorrow, and what my goals are for the week.

2) Very soon I need to start exorcising daily. I need to be in very good shape for this trip. Hiking, driving and riding my bike everyday will be extremely difficult if I'm not already constantly active.

3) No more TV, man. Only when I eat meals alone. I've been keeping to that pretty well lately. TV is a waste of the mind. It makes you lazy and tired and boring. Boo.

4) I'm selling my art! I need more money for my trip and I need it to come out of no where. By Sunday I will have a website up with a gallery of my art for sale. People can email me about which they'd like to purchase. Prices will be listed but they will be slightly flexible. Donations are welcome as well. lol


Okay, there's more to be said, but I'm tired. It's time for bed.

Thanks for reading, if you did. Here's an amazing picture I'll share in the spirit of being really open! And in the spirit of showing off how hot my boyfriend is.